Feeling guilty

It sucks.

Why does it feel so bad to do something that you know is right for you?

I've been under the pump at work this year. It's been stressful, there have been tears. At times I've looked at myself or something I've said and gone, 'That's not right. That's not you'.  So I decided that it was time to get out, in fact I should have moved last year when I had the chance. I'm a fairly optimistic person though so I kept thinking "It'll be better next year". It hasn't been.

A couple of weeks ago a job came up and I went for it. Went through 2 interviews and a lot of agonizing over if it was the right thing to do or if I should stick out this year for the sake of some of the lovelier students I teach and the commitments I made to other things, overseas excursions, national grants etc.

Today I got the message saying "please call us". I did, thinking that it was going the be a "thanks for applying but..." phone call. It wasn't. I've got a new job. I should be excited, I am a little bit. Mostly I just feel guilty. Like I'm selling out and letting people down.

I know it's going to be awesome. A lot of work in a positive, productive way rather than the current banging-head-against-brick-wall way.

But right now I feel awful.